I have been meaning to write this since Last night and here it goes, bear with me please.
I have always thought i would be a mom, from the time i was 3 years old and i had my baby dolls i knew i wanted to be a mom, i wanted 2 girls and no boys, boys were icky. I watched Full house on tv and then i had a baby doll named Michelle. We used to put my old carseat in the car, id strap Michelle in and ask my mom " Do you think people think we have a baby?" I always wanted a baby in my life.
Now, i dont know, i want a baby in my life i want a child but the thought of getting pregnant again scares me so much, the thought of adopting a baby scares me so much. What if im bad luck to babies, what if a baby gets adopted by us, then gets cancer, or another disease? I can't let that happen to a baby. I am going to the Doctor tomorrow, and she will tell us when we can start trying again, im guessing after 6 weeks like with a regular pregnancy? But if anyone has any insite id love it. I am scared to try, im scared to think i have a perfect pregnancy only to have the baby pass, im scared of everything, im scared of life.
I remember you from BabyCenter. I'm shocked and horrified that this has happened to you... and I'm so, so sorry. I'm so sorry for the loss of your second baby girl.
ReplyDeleteI would be terrified to try again too. But I am telling you, you are not bad luck. You've had two terrible, tragic losses, but they were not your fault and you did NOT bring them upon yourself. You are a wonderful mother, and you will raise beautiful children someday soon.
I just now found your blog... and I've been sitting here reading all of the posts, since the beginning and I know you don't know me. But I'll be thinking about your story forever. I am so sorry for you and your husbands loss. I am so sorry that Chloe and Kyra were taken from you. I had a miscarriage in 2008 and it was very early on, but people kept telling me that it was "for a reason" ... I do not see a reason. There can't be a reason why a child is taken from their parents. Not any good reason anyway, and it sure doesn't make us feel any better. If you decide to try again, please remember you are not bad luck. I am not religious either and when a very close relative died in our family I had to explain to my children that he was in their hearts... Chloe and Kyra are in your hearts and will be there for every step. I commend you for being brave enough to not only write letters to Chloe, but to share them with the world. Thank you for that. I'll be bookmarking your page and keeping up. RIP CHLOE, KATE AND KYRA
ReplyDeleteI can't even begin to express how courageous I think you are. You are an incredibly strong woman, and your strengh and character has been tested far more than any person should have to bear. I hope the powers that be see fit to bless you with the healthy child you so richly deserve.
ReplyDelete