1 month

Its almost been 1 month since we said goodbye to your sister Kyra. To say that it does not hurt is an understatement. Life is painfull, i have quit my job, i was planning on doing that coming in March, when your sister was about to be born, but i cant take it anymore. We dont need me to work, and im to much of an emotional mess. At first it was a distraction but now its just terrible. I cant get out of bed and i cry all day, i keep looking at my belly and thinking it should be huge, with a kicking baby in it. We got through the Holidays, lucky for us we are Jewish so its not as big of a deal as christmas is for non Jews. I will sleep through New Years and hope that 2012 is a bit more forgiving. I go to my 6 week appointment with my obgyn on the 16th of January, and we will talk to her about trying to concieve. We got autopsy results back from Ms. Kyra and they were inconclusive, which hurts more then anything, there was no reason for her death. I wish something was wrong, like a chromosone disorder or something then i would  have known she would not have lived outside of the womb, but nothing, incunclusive, no answers, just like your death, no answers. Yes cancer took you, but we have no idea why, why us? Why you? Why Kyra? She will never know life and that is sad